Thursday, September 29, 2016

Lily Gorin

  "I prayed and God answered my prayers! Let's go tell the world!!"

  I have meant to post about the amazing story behind this pregnancy for months, but between pregnancy and a couple of moves, time got away from me. So, before this chick comes, you have got to hear this story!!

  Many of you know the difficult journey my family is walking through as my Mom battles ALS.  This has been the most difficult season of life my family has walked through. This is an awful disease, and as the months go by, she continues to progress.  Many days I cry out to God asking him to show me His goodness, because as I look at the journey we are walking, it is difficult to believe that although our circumstances around us are awful in many ways, He IS STILL GOOD.  It is very easy to base our view of God on what our circumstances look like.  Do we believe God is good because He is good and never changes, or do we change our view of God when our life and circumstances take an unexpected turn in a direction we would never imagine.  Oh there are days we cry out to God in disbelief and grief, because we truly feel the weight of this fallen broken world and the pain that comes in it. But we cannot stay in that state. Can we praise God even in times of difficulty, or do we just have a heart of thanksgiving when things are going our way? Do we trust Him to walk with us through life, or do we only trust Him when things are easy? Through it all, God is FAITHFUL and shows Himself to be good. That is the story of little Miss Lily.

  Around last Christmas, Sadie started asking us when we were going to have another baby.  To be honest, there were many reasons that this didn't seem like the right time.  Mom was beginning to need more physical help, and I was afraid that a pregnancy would take away my ability to care for her and visit her the way that I wanted to. Another reason I was hesitant was due to the fact that I have a VERY difficult time conceiving.  There is nothing "wrong", but with both kids it took me around a year to get pregnant. Before Sadie, I miscarried. Before Micah and Sadie I needed surgery to help me conceive. I really didn't want to go through the heartache of trying with no success, possible miscarriages, and the waiting that is involved with us trying to conceive.  My emotional energy was given to my Mom and our family, and I didn't want to go through that roller coaster. Another reason I was hesitant (notice how in control I like to be?) is that we were going to need a bigger home. We had long outgrown the home we were in, and adding a 3rd child, plus eventually homeschooling them all in that home, would have been very difficult. So, we would need to sell our home and buy a home all before the baby came. All of these reasons were the perfect reasons NOT to have a baby right now-it would be too difficult to get all of these ducks in a row MYSELF-right? 
So meanwhile, Sadie starts praying for a baby--all.the.time. Then I start a Bible study at church, The Armor of God, after Christmas. I am sitting in Bible study one week in February and CLEARLY hear the voice of God tell me that I need to STOP being in control. He clearly told me that my disbelief and desire for control was a clear reflection that I didn't trust him or believe that HE WOULD PROVIDE FOR ME. In a sense, I was telling Him that I didn't believe he SAW me, in my circumstances, in my need, and that I didn't believe he would provide along the way.  So, I decided to stop being in control and trust that whatever happened He would provide.

  Meanwhile Sadie is still praying....and daily asking "Mom, I'm still praying for a baby, are YOU praying about this? Or what?"
Well, one day, I was doing my Bible study while Sadie did her school work (of course with her praise music cranked up). She ran up to me like a deer in headlights and said "MOM! God just talked to me. I heard him talk to me in my heart. I really did."  I said, "Sadie what did he tell you?"  You've got to understand this child. She was the strongest willed little thing as a toddler, which has turned into a little girl that has a growing conviction and faith-- with the purest most trusting heart---faith in God like no one I've met. She said "MOM! God told me that he is answering my prayers RIGHT NOW. He is putting a baby in your tummy RIGHT NOW."

  So, of course, I'm thinking in my mind....ya know...she's probably right. I wouldn't be surprised if she's right...but OMG there's no way. That wouldn't just happen that fast. I remember my family and John telling me that day, "I wouldn't be surprised if Sadie's right" lol

  Over the next couple of weeks, Sadie began referring to the baby in my belly. God told her, she believed, and talked to people at church like she knew I was pregnant-they'd give me a look, and I would say...I promise I have no idea--she thinks I'm pregnant. Fast forward two weeks. We were in Nashville for Henry's baby dedication. I knew that it MAY have been long enough for me to tell if I was pregnant.  I took a test without even telling John. IT.WAS.POSITIVE.  Yall...for someone who tries for months and months and months and has experienced such disappointment in the past to get pregnant---to get pregnant on the first try. (sorry is that TMI?)  I ran downstairs and asked if John could come outside with me. I handed him the test (that he didn't know I was taking)---and the look on his face I will never forget. 

  So, we are pregnant. My doctor and nurses couldn't believe it when I went in for my first appointment. "You mean I didn't have to take you in surgery to help you get pregnant this time!?" (if you know my doctor, you'd understand haha)  Of course, we had to share with her the story of Sadie.  She also showed me on her little calendar that I did in fact conceive on the day Sadie came up and told me that God was putting a baby in my tummy.....Whaaaaaaat!

  Now starts the fun. Ok, "God, wow. That is a complete miracle (as if every pregnancy isnt)" I was so incredibly overwhelmed by this miracle--the fact that I clearly heard God tell me to stop being in control, that He would provide...then BAM. Pregnant. So I settle in, then start worrying again. "Now, we would be totally fine in this house, we really would...we can make it work....but if I'm gonna homeschool all these peeps, we really need another bedroom and some more pray you will provide what you want for us. Help us sell this house if it is your will for us to move." Meanwhile thinking----yea....there are a million houses for sale in our neighborhood, and John wants to sell by owner--this aint happenin anytime soon. 

  House goes on the market by owner. We figure we will give it a try and see if we get any bites. The first family that walked through, asked to walk through a second time, and bought the house. Ok wow. Ok, house is sold...we haven't really looked at houses because we didn't want to get our hopes up.  We go around town and see a few with the amazing realtor and friend Rob Abercrombie #shamlessplug, and don't really see what we think we need for what we can afford. We get a call from some of our good friends that a house next door is "coming soon" it's worth a call to see what that's all about.  Ok, long story short, we snagged the house next door to some of our close friends. Not that it matters, or maybe it does...but it was the exact layout that we had talked about would be our "dream"...

  Ok so are we following this? Get pregnant first try, God sells our house to the first potential buyers, and we snag a house next to our friends. One more provision--in the time between when our old house and new house we had a couple weeks. No where to go? Oh no, God's going to provide a friend with an empty rental house for you to stay in for a couple of weeks.
Provision. Trust. Faithfulness. Grace. But our prayers for Mom's healing surely aren't being heard. She's still progressing, she isn't getting better. But God is reminding us to trust. He's reminding us that He is walking with us. He is still the giver of good things. He gives joy amidst circumstances filled with grief. He uses our children to walk out faith that we may have difficulty doing ourselves.
During a season of life where I really have every reason NOT to trust in God, in his goodness, in He desire to take care of me/us.....He gives us this sweet provision, Lily. Lily will always be a sweet reminder to me that He sees me. He provides, and God brought to mind a sermon that Jesus taught on this as we were thinking about her name. We couldn't just name her anything. This will be one of those milestones that we look back on and say "Those were some very difficult months, but God was so faithful to us." 

Jesus saw a crowd of people and went up onto the mountain and began to teach. This was referred to his most well known teaching, Sermon on the Mount. 
Luke 12

Do Not Worry

22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
27 “Consider how lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
32 “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom

  Christ’s example which used lilies of the field was part of the “Do Not Worry” section of the Sermon on the Mount  Jesus began this section by asking the crowd why they worried about clothes.  Why did they worry about if they would have what they need?  Then, Christ gave the example of the field lilies, saying that if God cares to clothe the grass of the field so beautifully with the lily, how much more does he care about your needs?  If we first seek God’s kingdom and righteousness, then God will give to us everything else we need. He provides. He sees us. He is faithful.  Do we deserve what He gives? Definitely not.  But his character never changes, He is good and He shows so much grace.

  In John 16:33 Jesus says "In this world we will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world."  In Isaiah it talks about how WHEN we pass through the waters, He will be with us. The waves won't over take us. WHEN we walk through the fire we will not be burned.  He doesn't promise that we will not walk through difficult circumstances--but He does promise that He will walk with us through them. He is in control and that doesn't change when our circumstances do. Regardless of our circumstances, we are commanded to trust.  He is bigger than our circumstances, and His plan reaches far beyond our perspective.
So, we will be welcoming little Lily November 1st (if not sooner) Lily will always represent to our family God's faithfulness, provision and grace during a season of life that has been most difficult to trust. Sadie's expectant prayers for Lily have challenged me and will always challenge me to pray with a pure expectant faith. To recognize that He hears us, He sees us, and He wants us to trust in Him. Sadie was not that surprised when we told her we were expecting. She had been praying, and had felt that God already told her that He was going to provide. How often do we hear this from God, but still doubt that He will provide?  

  Will God take away my mom's physical disease on this earth? I don't know His plans, and can't see the full picture, but I know He sees Mom, He created her and loves her and sent His son to give His life for her. He sees us. He hears our prayers. He is walking with us. What I do know is He has the power to heal her body, whether here on Earth or by taking her to be with Him, and we have to trust that He is good and has a plan--He will provide and that He walks with us all.  We are grateful that although we walk through the most difficult season of life, He has given us a constant reminder of His faithfulness and provision.

"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed. For his compassions never fail, they are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness!" Lamentations 3:22-23